I don't know you,
But I recognise that hollowed look in your eyes
Even if I were unable to see your devastated body sitting below that head full of torment, I would know.
There's a painful fragility in your face
You exude terror
Life seems over whelming.
I get it.
I feel it too.
Some days, I wish I were as close to disappearing again.
I look down and examine the flesh that covers my bones with disdain.
So I know.
No one can ever know exactly, and that's important.
I know some.
I want to hold out my hands, now warm and take yours.
I want to tell you 'it gets better'
I'm sure you hear that a lot.
You probably think they're wrong.
But better doesn't mean perfect.
You will still have days you feel out of control.
You will wish you had your protruding bones as medals of dedication.
But those days will lessen.
You will have times you laugh so hard your belly hurts.
Where you eat and enjoy.
An unexpected smile will catch you off guard.
You will be desirable again.
You will feel lust again.
It won't always go your way.
And navigating your way through all these emotions is one hell of a journey.
But, my friend, embrace the adventure.
Spin through the confusion and learn to dance in the midst of it.
Appreciate the mess, for without it, where would we be?
It won't always feel safe.
I still struggle everyday and I don't know whether this will change.
I can't make any promises.
But at least I am fighting.
I'm done with taking the punches.
I'm weaving my dreams into something real.
And it's not perfect.
But it's beautiful.
Join me sometimes,
But please don't wait to 'feel ready'.
I'll tell you a secret, you never will.
And start to swim.