"New year, new me". Bollocks to that! I've never quite understood why the dawn of a new year should make so many of us sit back and think "I am not good enough, time to totally change".
It's the point at which we all start resolving to lose weight, shell out for expensive gym memberships, load up on the kale and vow to give up chocolate and carbs. We look back over the year and apparently, we come up lacking. Nope, enough of that please. In a society which runs on a strange oscillation between self hate and selfies, how about breaking the status quo and saying "what did I do well in 2016 and what can I build on?" Make your 'resolutions' positive ones, as oppose to focusing on the negatives. You may be reading this thinking "that's all very well for the girl who spams our instagram feed with workout motivation and posey photos", and yes, I hold my hands up to this, but equally, I don't do that because I think going to the gym and eating as I do makes me any better than anyone else, it works for me, it makes me happy and I love being strong. It's also part of my work. I say it all the time, but remember, my life is definitely not as airbrushed or as together as my well laid out insta feed, and nor will it ever be. So, here is a challenge: try writing down. 1. 6 things you are proud of from 2016. 2. 6 things you are looking forward too in 2017. For all those working on recovery, 3 is to list 6 reasons to keep working towards health! I'm working on all my lists now. Happy New Year!
1. I'm proud of completing the Spartan challenge with my amazing girlie Holl and raising over £1000 for Vincent Square.
2. I'm happy to have a lovely home with the wonderful Phebe and a great job that I love with Lorna Jane. (Okay, that's 2...shhh)
3. I'm proud of my body's strength, even after all I put it through, it's comeback fighting and I'm proud of that.
4. I'm grateful for definitely getting sassier, may sound ridiculous, but surrounding myself with people who don't let people treat them like crap and who value themselves has taught me to act the same a lot more. I'm back to standing up for myself and being okay with not always being the nice one!
5. I'm bloody proud not to have relapsed. It's been a very tricky year in a lot of ways, especially with personal and familial issues. I would've thought that the first speed bump mean back down the rabbit hole, but I've proved I'm stronger than that!
6. I'm happy to have made life choices that work for me, after a lot of advice from those who know and love me. Maybe I'm not following the traditional path, or even the easiest, but I know I work hard and will get where I want to be.
In 2017 I can't wait for:
1. All the theatre- we have booked out a lot of shows and my diary is starting to look pretty beaut.
2. New acting challenges- times they are a'changing, but I plan to make the best of it.
3. New fitness challenges- considering a marathon.
4. Travel!- I work hard, so time to play hard. Long weekend with Thea already being discussed and a trip to New York on the cards. 👌🏽 a few more places on the maybe list...
5. Writing- it's been so good to be writing again and attempting to write a play has got me very excited.
6. Food! Weekly cook-a-thons became a thing during November, with the boys at uni and I needing some tlc and good food. It's good to have Recipe testers (and harsh critics) for my recipes, and to be able to sit and enjoy food with people I care about again!
Reasons to continue with recovery
I'm not writing this one as a list, just a bit of a ramble, but 2016 brought many recovery wins and I appreciate my body and the amount of progress I've made more than ever. I feel like a semi normal 20 something year old again. I still second guess myself a lot and sometimes have to get affirmations that I'm not thinking sensibly (cue messages to Jonah, Jake, Ross, Thea to double check that I'm not getting 'big' and my shoulders aren't burly), but hey, I believe their answers and just sometimes need the boost. I'm lucky to have friends who are there to tell me it's in my head and I'm a tit...I love cosy nights in at the cottage with good food and great people. I love eating out. I love nights out with Mickey and Dulcie, my Lorna Jane ladies and embracing a healthy way of life (post workout prosecco). I feel so proud every time Beth and I sit down for dinner and drinks, who'd have thought it? I love being warm and I love having the energy to dance, act, sing, go out and run...a lot. I actually feel proud of my body a lot of the time and even though the image I see can change from one mirror to the next, I'm working on that. I love knowing what's my desire and what's anorexia's. I love being able to give other people advice and all the emails of hope I get from those my blog has given faith too and, as cheesy as it sounds, I love all the people around me who have helped me build a life far bigger than anorexia. Here's to 2017, to all the new challenges, to no more boy errors (we won't go into that, but sassy sam may never let me live them down!), here's to all the fun, nights out and here's to a successful year, working on getting even healthier!
My New Years resolution, inspired my a sassy meme: 'bitch, I was fabulous this year, and I will be fabulous next year too!'